Is it affecting your life or your relationship? Why is porn so hard
to resist? I've been there, done that, and come back to tell the tale.
I've discovered some answers that will help you deal with porn and it's
not about forcing yourself to stop. Understand your reasons for choosing
porn, regain freedom from the compulsion, find integrity and strength,
and reconnect to yourself and your loved ones.
"I can stop looking
at porn any time I want to; I stop almost every day. But I can't resist
the urge to start again. Am I addicted to porn?" Does this sound like
you? Some psychologists think porn can be addicting but many disagree.
It's not addictive like a drug can be - I've looked at porn in the past,
and I've spent years without porn with no withdrawals. Calling porn
addictive is an easy explanation that really explains nothing.
Still,
I have found porn hard to resist at times. It seemed strongest when I
was feeling anxious, lonely, or depressed. Why shouldn't I indulge in
some fantasy connection with a beautiful, willing woman with no demands
or responsibilities? What's the harm? But when it was over and I was
wiping up the results, I'd made no progress with whatever was bothering
me. I don't want to think about how much of my life has been wasted in
mindless unproductive activity watching porn. So why did I keep going
back to it?
As a teen, porn was an exciting way to discover a
forbidden topic. Later, when my first marriage was failing and my
business going down the tubes, I indulged in porn as a temporary escape.
During the lonely years after the divorce, I used porn as a balm for
loneliness and depression. All of that made some kind of sense, but
after Victoria moved in with me, I was still drawn to look at porn even
though it upset her. How could I make sense of that? Now I had a strong
reason to quit, but I was hooked on porn.
Understanding
In
trying to understand why I was hooked, I came across all the lame
reasons: "that's just the way men are," "men are more visually oriented
than women," and "it's a way to satisfy the male instinct to spread his
seed." And there were lots of excuses too: "I'm not hurting anyone," "it
has nothing to do with you, Sweetie," and "at least I'm not out chasing
other women."
Nothing seemed to make sense to me until I found
this simple explanation: porn is a strategy to meet some deep need
within me. The basic theory is that actions are motivated by attempts to
meet basic human needs. A simple example: a basic need is shelter; as a
caveman, I would find a cave; as a young professional, I would rent an
apartment. But we are not simple creatures; often meeting one need means
not meeting another. The caveman may have to sleep in the open to
follow his food source. The young professional may have to decide
between the nice apartment and sharing a house because of limited funds.
Essentially they both have to find new strategies to meet their need
for shelter.
