Do You Have a Porn Addiction

For some men this might be a confronting question, but for someone who knows they have a porn addiction, it is possibly one of the most confronting questions they could encounter. Once we have explored more about porn addictions the reasons for this may become clearer.

So, do you have an addiction to porn?

Firstly, let's understand what we are talking about. The term 'porn' itself probably doesn't need much clarification. However, the term 'addiction' is something that is often used very freely in our society to define a broad range of behaviours.

There are an infinite number of different ways that addiction has been defined, but one of the most generic and simplest is Wikipedia's definition of it as "a continued involvement with a substance or activity despite the negative consequences associated with it".

From this definition it is clear that the term 'addiction' could be applied to any number of different challenges. Alcohol and drug addictions are commonly understood issues in our society. Other addictions that counsellors might regularly encounter include sex addictions, gaming addictions, TV addictions, etc. There is a debate within the helping professional about whether porn addictions actually exist, and whether they should be classed in the same was as other 'addictions'.

So while someone may be addicted to something like porn or gaming, it does not suggest that the behaviour or the activity itself is problematic or an 'issue'. Issues and problems relating to addiction generally only apply when the behaviour is ongoing and continues, despite impacting negatively on other areas of one's life or the life of those around you.

Porn itself often carries a negative stigma. This may originate from a family or religious value system. As a result, some people may find that they have a number of responses or reactions to their behaviour, either during or after having viewed pornography. For someone who has been raised with values that suggests porn is 'wrong', there can be a sense of guilt or shame. Other elements of self-judgement can arise too, such as thinking that one may be a 'bad person' or 'feeling worthy-less' or worthless. For many men accessing porn may be something that they do in secret, either a secret that they keep alone, or possibly one that is shared with a close friend or partner.

So what is the difference between simply watching porn and being addicted to porn?.

Perhaps you can ask yourself these questions:

1. Do you access porn on a regular basis? Perhaps more than once per week?

2. Do you notice any anxiety within yourself if you aren't able to access porn as often as you'd like?

3. Are parts of your life being negatively impacted because you are accessing porn?

4. Are any of the relationships in your life being affected?

5. Do you often intend to do some other activity and then somehow find yourself accessing porn instead?.

Conscious Porn Amazing

Are you afraid that you could be addicted to porn? Do you wish you had more freedom to choose whether to look at it or not? Would you like to understand what compels you to look at sex for hours on end?
My husband and I found a way that helped him like nothing else could. I want to share it with you in hopes that, if you are looking for a way to understand yourself and your relationship to porn, this will help.

I won't be going down the road of shaming you or trying to convince you that what you are doing is wrong or harmful. If you are anything like my husband, you are in a constant battle with your desires and already have plenty of self-deprecating thoughts. I don't want to add to those in any way. Actually, the best approach is to be kind to yourself and let go of the shame if you can. Instead, begin to look for what you're really after when you look at porn.

Everything we do is an attempt to meet needs. Everything! Porn is a strategy you use in an attempt to meet needs of yours. Those needs are precious and important; they are your vital life force seeking expression through your actions. That is why looking at porn has such a powerful grip on you. If you can see the needs clearly, see what it is that you are actually after when you look at porn, you will begin to see yourself more clearly. That clarity will transform your relationship to porn and give you freedom to make other choices to find more fulfilling ways to meet your needs.

Exploring what needs you are meeting may take some time and effort but is well worth it. I call it conscious porn because that is what this is about. It is about bringing awareness to what is an unconscious, habitual ritual in your life. You choose to look at porn because you get something out of it-something deeper than quick sexual gratification. If you can identify what that something is, if you can discover what you're looking for, you will have more choice about how you get it.

When it's unconscious, the behavior stays locked in place. These dynamics play out over and over again without you even knowing what is happening. When you shine the light of awareness upon your behavior, and see the gift it is trying to give you, then compassion will flow and you will have changed your relationship to pornography. Porn isn't the only option you have-there is a whole world of alternatives.
The following strategies may help you become more aware of what you're after when you're looking at porn.

Acceptance

For most people struggling with porn, there is a fierce internal war going on inside, and this battle is tiring. One way to stop the agony of this constant battle is to accept this is what is going on for you now without judging it as good or bad, it just is. Stop pushing it away; trust that your desire for porn has something important to tell you and welcome it as a chance to learn what that is. This is an invitation to take an honest assessment of where you are and accept this is where you are for now. I truly believe that if you only did one thing for yourself, acceptance is the most important step because it has the power to make enormous shifts.

Ask Questions

Ask yourself questions and be willing to hear the answers without judging them. "What was it about porn that attracted me in the beginning? What am I after now when I sit down at the computer to look at porn? What types of porn are most attractive to me?" Look for clues in the particular kind of porn you like. For example, "Am I attracted to dominance? (Would I like more control in my life?) Do I seek out submission? (Would I like someone else to take control so I can relax and let go?)"